Everybody wants something from another person. Many times, while counselling couples and asking to find out from them what their challenges are, we discover that both parties are doing so much (and their best) to express love to the other. However, we also realised that the problem isn’t that the couples do not love one another or show it. The primary cause of conflicts and dissatisfaction among such couples is unmet expectations.

While a young man may have expectations of what he wants in a woman, the woman also has her expectations of a suitable man; and vice versa. Though these expectations vary from one individual to another, they count. Successful relationships are such that both parties deal with their spouses as individuals–giving attention to their needs, expectations and preferences. Hence, building a great relationship goes beyond expecting to be treated nicely to treating the other party as nicely as it matters to them. One of the skills everyone who intends to keep a relationship successful must have is learning to put themselves in the other party’s shoes. This is called empathy.

At our church, we had an interaction with members of the congregation where different categories of people were asked to share their expectations from the opposite sex as regards relationships and marriage. Some yet-to-be-married men and ladies shared their expectations, young married couples shared theirs and then, couples who have been married for a longer period also shared what they would expect from the other party in a marital relationship. I took note of a few that were recurrent.

In this article, you will find 5 things women expect from their partners. If you’re a woman, this could resonate with you. Get your partner to read it while you discuss it. If you are a man, you will also find this helpful as you will stand a better chance at enjoying your relationship or marriage if you intentionally do the work required.

So, here are 5 things women expect from their partners:

1. Personal Drive and Vision

No woman wants to spend her life with a man who has no drive. It’s a huge turn-off for women when the man in their lives can’t give them something to look forward to. Many times, women are not concerned about how wealthy a man is at the beginning. They are rather concerned about his potential to rise through the challenges of life to a more meaningful place in destiny.

2. Healthy Self-esteem

Confidence they say, is attractive. Women do not usually appreciate men who are intimidated by their success. According to some ladies, their husbands and fiancés who give them room to be themselves and wings to fly are the real deal. Manhood isn’t about being macho; it is first about being comfortable in your skin and having confidence in your authority no matter the situation. In other words, realise that putting off the light of the woman in your life doesn’t make you shine brighter. It puts a limit on how far you can go and destroys your wife’s faith in you. If you have a woman in your life, be her cheerleader. Supporting your wife or fiancée’s dream is on the A-list of her expectations and if you are going to have the best out of your marriage or love relationship, then offer your 100% support.

3. Sound Leadership

Weakness has never and will never be an honourable characteristic of a man. Leadership in every home is quite important and goes a long way to determining the direction of that home. Because women are to submit to the authority of their husbands, then men must up their leadership game. Leadership here is holistic, involving spiritual, financial, social, emotional and mental development. Leadership speaks of integrity and communication—open, healthy and honest communication. Can your wife or fiancée trust you? If no, do better.

4. Care and Generosity.

Stinginess is not a virtue. Many Christian men hide under the guise of moderation and “vanity” to relinquish their responsibility to care for their wives and fiancées. Care and generosity are not necessarily about luxury or the number of resources spent, it’s about thoughtfulness. How thoughtful are you? Do you let her wear out while serving you or you are understanding enough to allow her to take a break when necessary? Do you always have budgets and projects that do not accommodate your family’s needs? That’s irresponsibility! Providing for the family is the man’s responsibility and real men don’t shy away from this.

5. Maturity and Ability to Protect Their Families

A lot of homes are ruined by immaturity. The Bible states in Genesis 2:24 that a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. The interesting thing about this Bible verse is that cleaving only happens when the man leaves his parents and the process of becoming one flesh is dependent on the cleaving of a man to his wife. The word “man” speaks of an adult male, so it’s expected that he’s old and matured enough to make decisions and stand by them without the interference of anyone, especially his mum. No woman wants a man who is a “mummy’s boy”. In this part of the world, many women are abused by their in-laws—mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, etc. And, their husbands do nothing about this. How sad! Never be that man. Be the man of your home and protect the interest of your wife and marriage.

I hope these tips were helpful. Don’t hesitate to make amends where needed. In the next post, you will find men’s expectations of their women.